7 November 2009 by sherby57
Sir Charles Kabaddi-Aussierules was the first man in Britain to eat a piano. His feat was so highly regarded that Queen Victoria herself invited him to the palace, with the intention of persuading him to dine on a harpsichord. Suffice to say, it didn’t end well, but not for the reasons that you might think.
Some aliens or something and came and like kidnapped the Queen and like Sir Charles had a fight with their leader and went, all like, Will Smith on their asses and shit. Probably. I don’t really know, do I? It was like 300 years ago or something. But it was bound to be something like that, wasn’t it? It’s well known that alien spacecraft were rife in Victorian London and it’s pretty likely that they would have gone straight for the head honcho.
Anyway, Sir Charles died at some point and is now sadly forgotten.
Posted in General Update | Tagged Aliens, Harpsichord, Head Honcho, Piano, Queen Victoria, Victorian London | 2 Comments »
6 November 2009 by sherby57
What’s stopping you from opening a bakery tomorrow?
Well apart from not having the necessary capital, you don’t have the correct skills or any of the right materials. You have nothing.
See? It’s not as easy as you think to open a bakery. You go strutting around your local town hall, like a peacock, and exclaiming ‘I could open a bakery tomorrow!’ Let’s face facts: you couldn’t.
But don’t take it personally. It’s not your fault. Just take a minute to consider your options. That’s it. Do it now, I’ll wait for you.
And we’re back. I’m glad you’ve taken my advice, you’re going to make a fantastic erotic carpenter.
Posted in General Update | Tagged Advice, Careers, Skills, Bakery | Leave a Comment »
5 November 2009 by sherby57
The more observant amongst you will have noticed the absence of Dr Angel recently. The doc is a good friend of mine and a regular contributor to the blog, so I’ve been curious as to her whereabouts.
The most popular theory is that she’s been recruited by the monks of Sherby57 for a black ops mission. It must be a bloody secret one if I don’t know about it. I can only think that she’s been sent to sabotage the Sherby666 trade delegation to Sherby45347 as they hope to sell them pickled onions as artificial hearts. We all know that onions are the worst pickle to use for organ replacement. The absolute rotters.
If this is the mission that she’s been sent on then I probably shouldn’t be publishing details on it for worldwide consumption. Forget I said anything.
Doc, come back soon.
Posted in General Update | Tagged Sherby57, Dr. Angel, Sherby666, Sherby45347, Pickled Onions, Artificial Hearts, Black Ops, Trade Delegation, Mission | 3 Comments »
4 November 2009 by sherby57
Q: When the moon is in your eye and your heart is full of madness, what’s the best way to get rid of your sadness?
A: Sit down, stand up and spin round. Put your hands on your hips and fall down on the ground.
Q: If a man says hello and you feel a little scared, how do you respond so that his feelings are spared?
A: Hold him tight in an inappropriate way, then make him dance like the merry month of May.
Q: What should you do when you’re stuck in a lift, you’re running late for work and it’s time for your shift?
A: Take a deep breath and then scream out loud. Take off all your clothes and hope there’s a crowd.
Posted in General Update | Tagged FAQ, Poetry, Questions | Leave a Comment »
3 November 2009 by sherby57
Sometimes a man will walk and talk until he can see the trees no longer and then he is forced to continue speaking until he starts to go weak at the knees and it’s all rather annoying and despite everything all punctuation goes out of the window but not literally of course because how would you throw punctuation out of a window?
Suddenly, punctuation returns, without warning – some might say – in abundance; and yet, why? Who knows? Not I!
Posted in General Update | Tagged Punctuation | Leave a Comment »
