For such a large multi-national conglomerate why has nobody heard of Goot Crow Industries (GCI PLC)? And more importantly who is the shadowy figure in charge, who wields so much global influence, and yet is so unknown. This is a man we have come to know under many names such as “Goot” or simply “The Crow”. I will attempt to unravel some of the mystery.
The Sherby57 investigative team began hearing the term “Goot the Crow” in early 2005 through our network of sources. What was intriguing was the variety of different areas The Crow seemed to be involved in. It was our journalistic duty to dig deeper. The word was put out on the street and the team spread the globe looking for any information. Although there were definite links to the world of Computing, Finance and Telecommunications, we were blocked at every turn when trying to find out more. Apparently the Crow was a big Fish. And the kind of fish that can fly so it doesn’t get caught.
Well the Sherby57 team like a challenge and have pieced together more and more information from the scraps available. Our first aim was to locate GCI HQ. We narrowed our search to North West England but were foiled in pinpointing a location. It seems that GCI have a private wireless network which distributes it’s scrambled data all across the North West. We couldn’t find him but at least we were making progress.
Next we tried to clarify CGI’s business interests. The results were shocking. It seems that The Crow is swallowing multi-national companies in the way a black hole eats stars. We are not at liberty to name these companies as we have received a legal injunction, but suffice to say that you will have eaten their food, used their products or used their services within the lasy 24 hours. The phrase “Global Monopoly” springs to mind.
Controlling such a large percentage of the worlds economy we started to investigate the political influence of Goot the Crow. Again we are restricted in the detail we can reveal through not only legal pressures but through the subtle death threats received daily at the Sherby57 office. What we can say is the following:
1) Goot the Crow is the real power in North Korea.
2) The Iraq war was started to satiate CGIs oil demands.
3) Tony Blair had to resign because he wouldn’t intervene personally in the “Dell Laptop Affair”.
We dare say no more.
Our research has led us to the only known photograph of the sinsiter overlord. Yes, we dare show it:
The image is small and blurry but we urge you.. do you know this man? Can you help us identify him and finally make him known to the world. To reveal to the 6 billion humans on the planet that yes, this is your master. You make not know him personally but do you recognise Chapatu – the catman, The Crows bodyguard and constant companion:
(Do not approach Chapatu - he is considered lethal)
Please help if you can. The world needs this injustice to end.
It was a pleasure doing business with you. The take over went smoothly. We are currently debating whether to change the domain name to GootCrowIndustriesEatsSherby574Breakfast.co.uk. However it appears someone has pre-registered it. The legal team are now persuing the take over as well. To be updated…….
Oh you may be big time Mr Crow or whatever your name is.. you can’t itimidate Sherby57 though.. we are here to represent the truth, so shove it up your a-hole…see you in court.
What do you mean I can’t buy out the legal system? What has the world come to? Pah!
There must be a loop hole…….
[...] 15. Advert for the pub, The Old Crow. Part of an ongoing investigation in to Goot Crow Industries. [...]