News Flash!
In an attempt to curb the ever escalating teen-toaster crime, Warrington proudly holds the country’s first toaster amnesty. Spokesman for the scheme, Mr Shaun Kelly, said: “Warrington has a proud tradition of crime-fighting and it’s loyal citizens are quick to spot the danger of toaster based crime. Only last week a pensioner had her bread toasted by a gang of youths, when she was planning on making sandwiches. It’s a disgrace”. The local police authority were unavailable for comment.
Do you think that toaster crime can be stopped this way? Let us know what YOU think.
Make mine a bagel, lightly browned.
Bettys, I’m not sure you are taking the threat of toasters seriously.
P.s. Is your surname “Hotpot”?
I’m fully behind Warrington’s stance. This is the thin end of the wedge and will escalate to other small electrical appliances.
A member of staff in our office was enjoying a cool glass of water when these thugs burst in and put the water in a kettle. The member of staff had no option but to settle for a hot drink! You have been warned!
Hi Dixonsmafia
This really is a disturbing development, thanks for letting us all know. It reminds me of an incident I heard of when an pensioner was trying to enjoy a nourishing hot cup of bovril. Apparently a gang of chavs burst in to her home and dropped ice cubes in the drink. It was very distressing.
[...] September 2008 by sherby57 Yesterday, we reported on the move to remove all toasters from circulation in Warrington. We praised this as a move to combat the unacceptable levels of white-goods related violence in the [...]
I have it on very good authority that this isn’t actually a “Toaster Amnesty” but is actually the first stage of a new Government initiative, piloted in Warrington, called “Toaster Evaluation”
It works in a very similar way to “Job Evaluation” – Basically some bloke, who has no prior knowledge of toasters whatsover, comes along and robs you blind!
Is it a “Toast Restructure”? or a “Re-organisation of Toasters”?
These latest comments from Anonymous and Disgruntled fan are extremely disturbing. There seems to be something going on behind the so-called innocent collection of toasters. I have already touched upon this in the post:
http://sherby57.co.uk/2008/09/09/toast-conspiracy/
What is going on? Have no fear, our investigators are working hard on this. Is the sinister “Goot The Crow” involved?
If you have any further comments, please feel free to share them.. we need all the help we can get to fight this.
Open your minds people.
The toaster is a magical device symbolising re-birth and resurrection. The toast goes in and is transformed by the process.
Imagine the universe as a crystal floating in a five-dimensional liquid. If all of time is visible from your vantage point, then what does buttering the toast represent?
By allowing the authorities to remove this powerful sigil from you, you are allowing your minds to be enslaved.
“What’s in a name? That which we call Toast
By any other name would smell as sweet.”
If Toast be the food of love, play on,
Give me excess of it; that surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die.
“Is this Toast which I see before me…”
Toast, Toast! My kingdom for Toast!
“All that glisters is not toast.”
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your Toast!
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them,
The good is oft interred with their toast;
So let it be with Caesar.
Toast is sliced bread which has been browned by exposure to dry heat (“toasted”). This browning reaction is a form of Maillard reaction.
Toasting warms the bread, making it more pleasant to eat for some, and makes it crisp such that it holds toppings more securely.
Toasting is also a common method of making stale bread palatable. Toast is often served with butter, cheese, marmalade, or any number of other toppings, thereby making an open-faced sandwich.
Toast is a typical breakfast food, and may be bought as is in supermarkets, or made at the home from regular bread. ( but not at work!)
Miss Warwick and The Invisible College raise interesting points on the more esoteric nature of toast and toasters.
From the quotes from literature, toast has been an integral part of our society for centuries and may even be a fundamental aspect of reality.
What is the true nature of the toast conspiracy? Keep the comments flying.
[...] first mention of the scandal was in the article, “Toaster Amnesty Hits Warrington”, which initially seemed like a straightforward measure to combat crime. A representative of the [...]
[...] Toaster Amnesty Hits Warrington [...]
I have never had a toaster in my life, we use the grill
A roommate encoraged me to read this post, nice post, fascinating read… keep up the cool work!
I’m glad you enjoyed it. It’s important that all toast/toaster conspiracies are uncovered. The truth shall set us free.