Yesterday, we reported on the move to remove all toasters from circulation in Warrington. We praised this as a move to combat the unacceptable levels of white-goods related violence in the borough. The “toaster-man” was praised and this snap was taken by a cheering bystander:
NOTE: The toaster-man remains hidden as he shuns the adoration of the masses
However, after doing some digging, our team of investigators have found the following:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/2705875/Debt-ridden-council-bans-tea-and-toast.html
Apparently, Aberdeen council have banned toasters as a measure to save money on electricity. So, you have to ask yourself, is the Warrington scheme just a smokescreen? Does the infamous Shaun Kelly care about toaster crime, or is he simply trying to save money on energy?
Don’t stand for this. Write to you local MPs and let them know. Sure, we would all sacrifice a toaster for our safety, but this is the thin end of the wedge. Toast is as British as Wimbledon, Sausages and Pink Panties; we must fight this madness!
Speculation is rife that the WBC toasters were removed in order to prevent potentially earth destroying crumb collision experiments by maverick scientists attempting to create the conditions that existed a billionth of a second after the first bread was toasted. Government scientists fear such experiments could result in the creation of black holes, a condition that occurs when the bread becomes superheated and turns black before igniting, sometimes resulting in a hole in the bread.
It was initially believed that effects of these “black holes“ could be negated by an over-application of butter and jam, but further scientific speculation has suggested that they could result in the END OF THE WORLD !!!
News channels have reported that a group involved in a failed attempt at using crumb collision technology in a café on Fleetwood pier yesterday have fled to Europe and gone underground. Intelligence reports expect them to be making further attempts today.
Thanks for your input Russ.
There appear to be many theories floating around (toast-like) as seen in the comments for the original post:
http://sherby57.co.uk/2008/09/08/toaster-amnesty-hits-warrington/
What does it all mean? There appears to be layers upon layers within layers, inside the layer and on top of layers to this conspiracy. It’s almost like that big sandwich that Elvis died of..only toasted.
I am unaware of this WBC organisation that appear to be involved. Are they the Warrington Bread Collective? They try and get their mitts in to every bread related news story in the borough.