Over the weekend, I had something of a countdown conundrum to mull over. I couldn’t decide whether or not Richie Cunningham was truly ginger or whether his head was a holographic representation of satan (original evil). I spent a good hour or two googling it, but even the mighty G has its limits. It seemed I had no other choice than fictional reality creation.
I donned my ceremonial thong and cape and adopted the infamously tricky “Pomegranate Position”. With the smell of incense and freshly fried chips filling my nostrils, I began to sink deeper and deeper in to a meditative trance. Being something of an expert, it takes me only 4-5 hours to reach my spiritual plateau and begin commune with my sprit guide, former Wimbledon goalkeeper, Hans Segers. Between us, Hans and I, constructed a universe based loosely on “The Kids of Degrassi Street”, although Hans introduced a few elements from “Degrassi Junior High” (much to my chagrin) .
Anyway, I floated, in my astral form, through this terrifying landscape, hoping and praying for answers. I hunted high and low, very much in the style of A-Ha. It was proving more fruitless than my googling. Then as I flew high above the rooftops, I spotted a sliver spec, winking at me. I approached with haste and before I knew it, found myself enveloped in a cosmic napsack! And to make matters even crazier, Hans Segers was nowhere to be found!
I trod carefully up and down the napsack, looking for revelation, when I heard a booming voice:
“Go lo, wherest though roam, young warrior, though beating breast may yet send sense through reason.”
“What the frig does that mean?”, I humbly replied.
With a flash, a being strongly resembling Wizbit appeared before my very eyes.
“I am not Wizbit,” said he, “I am your own mind connecting directly to the universe. Your quest is at an end, you already know the answers of which you seek.”
I opened my eyes, and I was back in my living room, thong and cape drenched in sweat, panting like a tired dog. Of course, I knew the answer. He really is just a ginger.
And with that, I made a brew.
FIN
[...] 2. Richie Cunningham’s Hair – An otherworldly adventure prompted by my ponderment of Richie Cunningham’s barnet. [...]