I’m not having a good week; it’s not easy being an existential warrior. I’m currently holed up in an igloo, somewhere in South America, desperately trying to avoid psychic attacks. It’s not easy.
Luckily, I’m not alone; my companion\concubine Bontempi is snuggled up with me under our pile of furs. Bontempi isn’t her real name, of course, but names have power. We’ve both been bombarded with negative orbs for the last 3 earth days and it’s left us both drained. My aura has never been so weak. I’ve been reduced to spewing utterances such as:
“Me want me tea, me hun-gree Bom Tempy!”
Bontempi can only grunt in reply, so she’s even worse than me.
Thankfully, the worst seems to be over and I have felt a 12% increase in my qi since I started writing this. Normal service will be resumed shortly.
This Bontempi fiend sounds appalling. If I were only to get my hands on the foul wench I would run her through with my blade, until her yabbering tongue lay still in her head. Then I, Stefan Dennis, would take up my rightful place, under the furs, with YOU.
yours, scarily,
S. Dennis.
Oh Stefan.
Whatever is to be done with you. I’ve told you time and time again that it is over.
Bontempi is a charming and erotic companion and is fulfilling my needs three-fold. Please do not see this as a reflection on you. I’m sure you’ve been very busy running Lassiter’s and working out which twin you are married too. This is life.
I hope we can still be friends.
I will possess you Sherby. One day, I’ll come back from the Waterhole after staring long in hard into a half of lager. Harold Bishop will say to be “you won’t find the answer in the bottom of that, mate” and I’ll down it and order another half. Then I’ll catch a flight from Yabbie Creek and come and claim you as mine own.
S. Dennis
Just rack off Stefan, you great gullah.
My soul belongs to the universe. Ah, but does it? It belongs to no one. Ah, but doesn’t it? It’s all gets very confusing when you are at my spiritual and intellectual level.
Let’s just try being friends and see how it goes.
I fear Stefan has been listening too much to Kate’s Bush’s ‘Wuthering Heights’ and got all obsessed with brooding, dark love and stealing some’s soul away. I prescribe essence of radiator water for these situations.