The more observant amongst you will have noticed that there was no post on here yesterday. The thing is, I did write a post, honest, but the, err, the dog ate it.
Right, well yeah, I don’t have a dog. I have two cats. But in animal maths, two cats = one dog. Yeah? My cats ate it.
They didn’t actually eat it. They chewed it a bit. It probably looked tasty to them because I had written it on a pad that was shaped like a chicken wing. It’s a very trendy pad, both nouveau riche and avant garde.
Anyway, the cats, like, chewed up the pad that contained the post. I didn’t think it would really be appropriate to publish it with loads of teeth marks in it, so I ironed the pad. Unfortunately I had the iron on the wrong setting and I burnt the page. I’m such an oaf.
It was now flat, but I could hardly publish a post with a big, brown burn mark on it, could I? I’m not a complete idiot. So, I tried to wash the burn off. I just wanged it under the tap and gave it a scrub with a nail brush. You wouldn’t believe what happened next: the burn didn’t budge, but all the words washed off. I didn’t have the plug in, so they all got washed away.
I had no choice but to climb into my submarine and undergo an expensive miniaturisation process to allow me to travel down the drain to retrieve the words. So I did. Jeez, I had one hell of an adventure. I had to blast a quivering, jelly monster with my onboard laser, etc etc. I basically risked life and limb to try and get the bloody words back.
Just as I was about to get them, a rat came along and ate them up. Because my words are so magical, the rat underwent some kind of crazy metamorphosis and turned into a kind of half-mermaid half-fish. It was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. Sadly, the transformation used up so much energy that the words were completely consumed. I played a quick game of Ker-Plunk with the rat-thing and then I went home. And wept at the loss of my post.
That is why there was no post yesterday. I hope you all understand.
kind of half mermaid, half fish! isn`t that 3/4ish fish?
Wee small Sherby had to go
Through the pipes ,down below.
Risking life and limb to get
Words that the cats had et.
In a little submarine
Smaller than small baked been.
He battled a jelly of the monster kind
With a laser that could make you blind.
But he was beaten by a rat
Who swallowed the words just like that.
The rat was changed magically
Into something that smelled somewhat fishily.
So after playing kerplunk for laugh
Sherby went home, coming out of the bath.
He shed a tear, for the post was no more
The moral is simple, keep the cats on the floor.
[...] The Dog Ate It – A somewhat florid explanation of why there was no post yesterday. [...]