We’ve all found ourselves in a bit pickle from time to time. A confluence of events will converge and conspire upon yourself and you find yourself very much in a quandry. Perhaps you’ve arrived at an exotic destination and find yourself without sufficient sun protection. Alternatively, you might have inadvertently killed a stripper in some crazy ‘batchelor party’ style prank. Maybe you’re just not sure how to dance when you’re listening to Dire Straights’ seminal album, Brothers In Arms.
So what do you do if you find yourself in a situation like this? It’s a real puzzle, isn’t it? Well, why don’t you just do what I do, and just think of these four little letters: W.W.A.D?
“What would Applejack do?”
Yes, Applejack. The most magnificent of all the My Little Ponies. With her golden mane, glossy tail and classy tats of apples on her buttock, Applejack sets us a fine example of how to be a better human being\pony. She has a natural grace and wisdom that could help you out in almost any scenario. She’s simply wonderful.
Now, I’m not trying to bestow upon her any quasi-religious significance. That’s for future generations to decide. At the moment, I just see Applejack as a great teacher, a philosopher…a friend. In my darkest moments, she is there for me - often in the form of a small plastic effigy. Even her small plastic effigy is usually enough to cure me of my ills.
As a result, I’m thinking of marketing a line of “W.W.A.D?” necklaces, primarily targeted at vulnerable students away from home for the first time. Perhaps they’re a little frightened of walking down a poorly lit street, overgrown with trees. Perhaps they’ve heard that an area has a bad reputation, and this makes them feel deeply uncomfortable. It strikes me that the only way to truly allay their fears would be to give them some cheap costume jewewllry which relates to the deep philosophical impact of the greatest of the My Little Ponies.
If you’d like one of these necklaces, please let me know of your interest. Perhaps I’ll be able to arrange a discount for a bulk order.
wow! you must be reading my autobiography. i WAS at a crazy `batchelor party`just a little while ago. finding myself lacking my usual sun tan lotion-Burn Without Pain- i found it necessary to brutally kill the stripper.
if only i`d had a W.W.A.D knecklace this dreadful situation would not have arisen and my tan would not have needed an emrgency top up
I don’t think I really suggested that the stripper should be brutally murdered, more that it was an unhappy accident. Maybe the over-sized cake that she was hiding in was accidentally air-tight, something like that.
If you’ve brutally murdered someone, you should probably speak to the police and request some psychiatric help.
no, i wasn`t sayng you had suggested it. i like the idea of the “unhappy accident”. i may use this in my defence.
p.s i`m writing this from my prison cell. my psychiatrist
said it would help
I’m not a lawyer, but I’d suggest that liking an unhappy acident isn’t really too much of a defence.
no , you most definitely are not a lawyer. which is a shame as i was considering hiring you to defend me.
i don`t like the `unhappy accident`,i like it as a defence.
maybe i should disguise myself as an order for a w.w.a.d knecklace and escape. i could then set up an w.w.a.d meditation group for the criminally insane
Remember my brother gets 10% of the commission for inspiring the whole WWAD? range by the construction of his My Little Pony disco/Dire straits on the ghetto blaster combo. I’m sure he asked what song Cherries Jubillee would dance to, but Applejack’s rendition of ‘Your latest trick’ made us all weep tears of joy as if we had seen the face of God. We probably had. I do think we should cease referring to the holy trinity and now refer to the holy square of jesus, god, holy spirit, applejack.
As a relative of his, I am happy to handle the accounts on his behalf. It’s what Applejack would do.
In a way, Applejack’s majesty belongs to all of us. To be fair, this means that I’m not legally obliged to supply any royalties from merchandising opportunities.
At the end of the day, though, fair play to the guy. It would be morally wrong of me to ignore your brother’s contribution to the whole Applejack-based philosophy, and 10% seems very reasonable.
I will furnish you with a cheque at the next convenient opportunity.
I can send some links to some trinkets that ‘applejack’ might like to buy me due to my Big brother’s contribution. Appleack would want me to wear a gold bumblebee around my neck. He says it brings out the colour of me eyes.
I’d love you to send some links: if the lady needs trinkets then trinkets she shall have.
Is the gold bumblebee inset with purple tanzanite gemstones? That would really make your eyes pop.
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