Noel Edmonds’ make-up on the festive edition of Deal Or No Deal was so horrific that Sidney vowed he would never love again.
The news of Sid’s self-imposed celibacy hit womankind like a hammer blow. It’s no exaggeration to say that The Women were pure devoed (devastated). It seems that Sidney was something of a catch who, up to that particular date, had indeed not actually been caught. In the year 2059 (for that was indeed the year in which this happened – sorry, I should probably have mentioned that) there were hardly any eligible men. There was quite literally a dearth of suitable suitors.
The council of Women’s Things convened an emergency meeting of the utmost import. They gathered round a telly (or the futuristic equivalent) and reviewed the video footage. Edmonds seemed to be dressed as a genie but his skin was entirely golden, like one of them birds off of the beginning of Goldfinger. I can’t really describe the rest of his outfit as it’s knocking me sick. And the council of chicks, like, totally agreed with me. One of them actually vommed up in her mouth a little bit.
Anyway, the council members (or “memberettes” to give them their official title) decided that Sidney was right and that EVERYONE should become celibate! Well, this meant that the human race became extinct! It’s like Tales of the Unexpected, or something like that.
Or was it?
