The Truth About Vampires

Those vampires are all the rage these days, aren’t they? Oh, they’re so cool and sexy, you say, I want to be one!! Why can’t I be a vampire? I’ve got pale skin and I wear black sometimes.  It’s not fair! Wah! Wah! Wah!

You’re an idiot.

Vampires are boring old men who dress like knobs.  Sure, they’ve got pointy teeth, but so what?  The’re dull. So dull.  They’re absolutely obsessed with Saint and Greavsie.  Yeah, you heard me.  Saint and Greavsie.  They’ve not even been on telly for about 20 years, have they?  That’s how far behind the times vampires are.

So.  Are you over the whole vampire thing now? Good.

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