I love lying. The visceral thrill every time I lie makes me feel truly alive. Sure, some people will say that lying is wrong, wicked…evil. These people are lying to themselves (see what I did there?). Lying is something that everybody does. I do it every day. I’m guessing that you do too.
Admit it. Just admit it. You lie. You could even be lying now. After all, you might be reading this in bed.
My astrological sign is, of course, Homunculus (the Grape).
Like all Homunculons, I have a great love of pastry, lying down and mortgages. But, hey, don’t be fooled by the rocks that I’ve got. When Jupiter is rising, I, quite literally, love to go disco dancing with some of my young chums. Being Grapien, I love too easily and eat too hard. I a man of means, but by no means am I king of the road. I’m a prince at the max.
Yes, it’s safe to say that the random alignment of stars in the sky affects every aspect of humanity’s struggle. Apart from the bits that God is in charge of, of course.
Noel Edmonds’ make-up on the festive edition of Deal Or No Deal was so horrific that Sidney vowed he would never love again.
The news of Sid’s self-imposed celibacy hit womankind like a hammer blow. It’s no exaggeration to say that The Women were pure devoed (devastated). It seems that Sidney was something of a catch who, up to that particular date, had indeed not actually been caught. In the year 2059 (for that was indeed the year in which this happened – sorry, I should probably have mentioned that) there were hardly any eligible men. There was quite literally a dearth of suitable suitors.
The council of Women’s Things convened an emergency meeting of the utmost import. They gathered round a telly (or the futuristic equivalent) and reviewed the video footage. Edmonds seemed to be dressed as a genie but his skin was entirely golden, like one of them birds off of the beginning of Goldfinger. I can’t really describe the rest of his outfit as it’s knocking me sick. And the council of chicks, like, totally agreed with me. One of them actually vommed up in her mouth a little bit.
Anyway, the council members (or “memberettes” to give them their official title) decided that Sidney was right and that EVERYONE should become celibate! Well, this meant that the human race became extinct! It’s like Tales of the Unexpected, or something like that.
Or was it?
Hey! Do you own an iPhone, an iPad and\or an iPod Touch? You do? Hey! Great news! The incredibly excellent book of this blog, the seminalThe Best of The World of Sherby57: Volume 1, is now available on iBooks! Yeah, you know iBooks? The iBookthing? I can hear your dripping from here.
It’s available for the bargain price of just £1.99 by clicking here.
Hey!! Do you not own an iPhone, an iPad and\or an iPod Touch but own some other kind of electronic device that might be used to read stuff on? You do\you don’t\you fall into this category? Hurrah! The book (of this blog) is also available for download in a non-Apple eBook format (for the same low, low price) by clicking here.
Hey!!! Are you some kind of crazy semi-Amish individual who insists on reading books on paper but aren’t afraid to order the paper book via the old internet? Bully for you! You can still buy a real-life physical copy of my book on Amazon, by clicking here. So don’t worry, you ain’t gonna miss out (although it will cost you more).
So, what’s this crazy volume about? Well, you’re reading this blog, so you should have an idea, but, if you don’t, here is the official book-blurb:
The World of Sherby57 is one of the most loved blogs on the whole of the internet. Well, it is to me because I wrote it. I can’t speak for anybody else.This book is a collection of the best posts from the first two years. They’ve mostly been rewritten so there is a point to buying the book and not just reading them online.Plus there is a new conclusion to the epic Fireheart! tale. Thrilling stuff. Read it today. Please.
I’ve said “please”. Consider this an order and buy it NOW!
P.s.
Won’t somebody please leave a review on Amazon or iTunes?
P.p.s.
Only positive comments need apply.
P.p.p.s.
Thanks ever so much for listening. Bye!
Image via Wikipedia
So. I started writing this post and then had to delete it because it was starting to take a turn for the worse. So I started again. I am blogger, hear me roar.
I won’t say why I started again. I’d prefer to leave an air of mystery hanging over your domain. Don’t waft it away. Let it linger. Breathe it in through your ample nostrils and breathe it out again through your forever-flapping gob. Wasn’t it Nickelback who once sang a song called breathe (see attached photo)? To be honest, I’ve never heard of it. I think the photo just appeared in my Media Gallery Recommendations because I used the word “breathe”. Sure, it’s a tenuous link, but I’m not afraid to jump on the tenuous bandwagon and ride that bad-boy right out of the rodeo.
Anyway. I started the post from scratch, that’s the point. This begs the philoshical question as to whether this actually constitutes the same post or not. Socrates would say “aye” on the matter. Zico would say “no way, Jose”. These fucking Brazilian footballers are always bickering. Ironically, it’s a key ingredient in their flamboyant playing style. Go figure.
It's a book of this blog.
