Plinky « The World of Sherby57

Derek Jacobi: Existential Warrior Monk – A Review

by sherby57

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I recently went to the cinema to watch much-hyped action flick\mockumentary, “Derek Jacobi: Existential Warrior Monk”. Wow, what a stinker.

Choosing renowned Shakespearean thespian Jacobi for this project was a bold move by first-time director Clive Cheesecake, but it was an experiment that back-fired. Sure, Jacobi brought a gravitas to the role, but he was completely inept in the fight sequences. In particular, his battle against the three-headed lesbian was quite laughable. It’s a shame that Jacobi insisted on performing his own stunts – a ropey, but capable, double would have been far more preferable.

The plot was pretty rubbish: Oh, Derek Jacobi decides to fight some ninjas to save the world and prove that existence isn’t futile whilst pretending that it’s all real. How droll. How very 2007. Isn’t Cheescake aware of Patrick Stewart: Philosophical Ninja? Or is he just happy to ape this seminal work?

I’m sure this is destined to become a cult classic because of the kitsch value, but don’t be fooled, it’s just plain bad.

Plinky

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My Favourite Artist: Moi

by sherby57

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Of course I have a favourite artist. It’s me.

I don’t want to sound conceited or anything, but I’m amazing. I’m one of them modern artists, you know, what you read about in the papers and that.

What makes me distinctive as an artist is that I know that my works of art are rubbish. But, and this is the clever part, they’re supposed to be rubbish. Then, I pretend that they’re not rubbish and people can read all sorts of meanings into them that are in no way present. Then, when someone asks me what my intentions were with the piece, I declare: “Nothing! It’s a load of rubbish.” Well, all those arty types think I’m being deliciously ironic, but I’m not!! I’m telling the truth.

I could tell you the specifics of some of my works, but you’d be disappointed. You’ve really got to see them in a gallery context to get the full effect.

Anyway, I’m off. I’ve got an empty pop bottle that I need to sell to some mug. Ker-ching!

Plinky

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If I Saw Someone Stealing – A Moral Conundrum

by sherby57

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I’m on a shopping trip and I catch a glimpse of someone stealing. What do I do? It’s a kind of moral maze.

Well, the first thing I would do is move away from the mirror and make sure nobody was watching me.

Only joking: I’M NOT A THIEF!

Plinky

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Food Eating Contests

by sherby57

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Food eating contests are a form of racism. There. I’ve said it.

Oh, let’s shove 12 hot dogs down our throats in as little time as possible. It’s loads of fun. Harmless fun.

Is it? Have you ever thought about how the hot dog feels to be treated this way? Being treated like nothing more than a piece of meat (surrounded by some bread). Of course you haven’t thought about it. You’re far too selfish.

Hey guys! Let’s eat a massive pie! It will be well funny. We’ll get cherries all over our faces and the juice will be all over our shirts. It’s going to be a riot.

No. No, it isn’t. Grow up.

I don’t have a problem with people eating food, but for god’s sake, let’s not make a sport out of it. It’s totally barbaric.

Plinky

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The World's Surprisingest TV Show

by sherby57

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The TV show that most surprised me was Ringo Starr’s Erotic Chain-Gang. I didn’t expect to enjoy a series about an ex-Beatle joining a team of prisoners who were tasked with sexily digging ditches. It doesn’t sound a very appealing premise, does it?

You’d be dead wrong. It was a simply stunning piece of television.

Starr, or “Mr Starkey” as he prefers to be called these days, travelled to Albanian to meet the world’s first, and currently only, erotic chain-gang. The prisoners were an unruly bunch, convicted of crimes to heinous to mention, but, boy, were they ever sexy. The way they swung their pick-axes whilst wearing crop-tops, all sweaty and that, was truly something to behold.

After 6 months spent living with the posse, Ringo felt like he truly belonged. And so did I. Magical stuff.