The World of Sherby57

Because I’m worth it

Mar 14

Post From The Past – March 2009

by sherby57

Last month I revealed that I had been sealed in an inter-dimensional pod for a month and just when I was about to go home, something happened.  Well, this is where I tell you what happened.

I was just about to pack my bags and hop back home when the alarm went off.  It’s quite an old school alarm – red flashing siren, klaxon noise, smell of Febreze etc – and I shot to attention like some kind of crazy soldier.  After checking the myriad of monitors I discovered a huge pregnant universe on a direct collision course with several different planes of existence.  Universes tend to go a bit mental when they’re expecting.  I think it’s something to do with cosmic hormones.

Anyway, this clearly fell within my remit and so I grumpily jumped on my trans-dimensional scooter and headed for action.  If you can call it action.  A pregnant universe is pretty slow moving.  Well, not exactly.  It’s actually not moving at all.  Which totally contradicts the whole ‘collision course’ element of danger that I introduced earlier.  It’s actually very difficult to explain if you’ve never actually visited tran-dimensional space.  You’re just going to have to trust me on this.

Anyway, the important thing to note is that it was all very important and had the potential to bring all of reality crashing down on top of us.  Literally.

Now, there’s not exactly a text book for dealing with rogue pregnant universes so I had to improvise.  This consisted of a few weeks of titting about, to be honest, because I didn’t have a clue what to do.  In the end, I ran out of ideas and decided to just fly straight into her.  That’s when all the trouble started.

I’ll tell you all about it next month.

Post From The Past

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Feb 4

Post From The Past – February 2009

by sherby57

This edition of PFTP is going to be a little different, as I didn’t actually publish any posts last February.  Instead of the usual countdown of the best posts, I’m going to explain to you where I was.

You probably know all about my life as an agent of Sherby57 – if you don’t, then have a look through some of the posts, here.  In short, we are a secret society that is tasked with maintaining the fabric of reality in this particular universe.   Since this is a secret society, I’d ask you not to mention it to anyone.

Anyway, each universe has its own trans-dimensional lighthouse, where someone has to sit and watch for any fluctuations in the space-time continuum.  It’s as unwanted a task as jury duty, so I was dismayed when last February happened to be my turn on the rota.  It was allegedly only going to last a month, and I luckily got the shortest month, but 28 days sat in a pulsating energy pod is not my idea of fun.  I almost hoped for some kind of apocalyptic event to give me something to do.

Anyway, I packed a lot of books and a few jazz mags and resigned myself to life in the pod.   It was as boring as you would imagine, sat, day after day, literally staring into the abyss.  As time ticked on, it looked like the month was going to pass by completely uneventfully.

Then, just as I was about to go home, typically, something happened that meant that I couldn’t.  Since most of this adventure happened in March, I’ll tell you all about it next month.

Post From The Past

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Jan 10

Post From The Past – January 2009

by sherby57

You all know what Post From The Past is by now.  And if you don’t, you’ll soon be able to guess.

9. Post From The Past – January 2008 – A pretty quiet month for Sherby57-land, but there is some Hans Klaussner action, a day trip to the Amazon and a fondly remembered song.

8. The Dust – A Poem – It’s a poem about dust.  What more do I need to say?

7. Shopping List – If I was hypothetically to go shopping then this is my hypothetical shopping list.

6. About Last Night – An open letter to anyone who uses the phrase ‘All the best’.

5. Ten Predictions For 2009 – How many of these predictions came true? Without checking, I’d imagine that it was all of them.

4. The Sherbys – Review of the Year 2008 –  A deep in-depth look back at the year of 2008 on Sherby57.  Read it just because it is long.

3. The Masked Avenger – Warrington’s most courageous super-hero.

2. Burscough And You Know You Are – Dr Angel uncovers yet more information on the whole Burscough potato scandal.

1. Toy Big Brother – Wednesday 14th Jan – I can’t believe that there isn’t a series of Toy Big Brother this year.  I’m gutted.

Post From The Past

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Dec 31

Post From The Past – Best of 2008

by sherby57

Rather confusingly, PFTP generates the best post of last year this year.  Sorry about any distress that this causes you.

This is a list of all the number one posts from the year of PFTP.  Last year I organised them in to a ranking order, but this year I can’t be bothered.

Jan: Sherby57 Day Trip – Kayak The Amazon

Feb: Crowfinger

Mar: Blind-Duh-Date Syndrome

Apr: Literally Hilarious Jokes

May: Bit of a Dark Rug – A Poem

Jun: Post From The Past – June 2007

Jul: Pink Panties – A Poem

Aug: Missing Todd

Sep: My Dragon’s Den Pitch

Oct: A Hazard of Parsnips – Chapters 1 & 2

Nov: Elvis

Dec: Show Me Magic

I’m going to have to pick a winner for when I do the Champion of Champions PFTP at some point in the future.  I pick HoP Chapters 1 & 2.  It’s a literary classic.

Post From The Past

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Dec 9

Post From The Past – December 2008

by sherby57

I hate Post From The Past.  Why on earth did I start doing it? I now feel compelled to continue.  It’s like a form of eternal damnation.  That said, please enjoy this month’s offering:

14. Post From The Past – December 2007 – This contains a few classic posts such as Mike Robot, some blokes on a see-saw, and some Mr Banana-Penis madness.

13. My Art – Elephant Helmet – It’s a helmet on an elephant.

12. My Art – Helmet Elephant – It’s an elephant on a helmet.

11. Christmas Do –  This photograph perfectly sums up what it feels like to be the table at a ‘Christmas do’.

10. Post From The Past – Best of 2007 – This is allegedly a collection of the best posts from 2007.  There are some good ones, so it’s worth checking out.

9. Uninspired – A Poem – A slice of lucid jazz poetry that neatly sums up what it feels like to be completely uninspired.

8. Postal Strike – A controversial post that was both ‘a post’ and ‘not a post’.  This one will baffle philosophy students for years to come.

7. 10 Things You Never Knew About Sherby57 – You didn’t know them, but you do now.

6. Starship Champy –  This is kind of an avant garde poem and a big, teasing riddle.  If you can work out what it all means then you’re a bona fide genius.

5. The Sherby57 On TV Ultimatum – This features a review of everybody’s favourite game show, Fear My Clit.

4. A Hazard of Parsnips – Chapters 3 & 4 – An emotional powerhouse of a novel.  Read it and literally weep.

3. Fireheart! The Movie – Meet the Director – The lazy sod still hasn’t released the film.  The fans are becoming rabid.

2. My Art – Doctor Angel – This is an artist’s impression of the good doc.  But, that artist is me, so it doesn’t look anything like her.  It’s more metaphorical, actually.  It’s not supposed to look like her.

1. Show Me Magic – It’s a drawing, it’s a poem, it’s a biting satire of the ridiculousness of religion.  What more could you want?

Disclaimer – This is an extremely self-indulgent feature and is a cynical attempt to recycle stuff that I have written in the past in the vain hope that someone will actually read them. Please feel free to slag off “Post From The Past” to your hearts content.

Post From The Past

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