Earlier this year, a book was published that quite literally took controversy by its big hairy ballsack and twisted it into unconsciousness. That book was How To Pull Chicks And That by world-renowned fannyhound, Casio. Today, TWoS57 looks to take a look at the man behind the cock in an exclusive interview.
I arrive at the exclusive members-only club, where I’ve arranged to meet Casio, thirty minutes early, so I’m shocked to see that the man himself is already there, splayed across several bar stools. He’s wearing neon yellow jeans, a vintage 1980′s shellsuit jacket and a tight white vest with “Casio” scrawled across the front in marker pen. He’s also wearing two pairs of shades (“just in case,” as he later informs me). I walk over to greet him.
Sherby57: Hi Casio. Pleased to meet you.
Casio: FUCK OFF, CUNT.
At this point Casio punches me fully in the face. After he helps me to my feet, the interview continues.
C: Sorry about that. The “Fuck off, Cunt” manoeuvre is an essential part of the PUBE toolkit. It helps to establish you as the BCIR.
S57: Could you tell the readers what it means to be a PUBE and what a BCIR is?
C: Sure, sure. I’m one of the best PUBEs in the world. Deffo. A PUBE is a “Picking Up Birds Expert”. I’m quite literally an expert at picking up birds. And when I mean birds, I actually mean pussy (laughs).
S57: And BCIR?
C: Biggest Cunt in (the) Room. Women love men who are utter cunts. It’s an evolutionary thing. They can’t help it. If you can be the BCIR then the gash will be like a Bon Jovi album: Slippery When Wet.
S57: (laughs sycophantically) So, how did you get started as a PUBE? Was there a time that you weren’t successful with women?
C: Of course not! I’ve always been swimming in pussy. And I’m talking an Olympic sized vag pool. I think I was just a bit of a cunt by nature, so I studied the PUBE methodology to gain some greater insight in my own amazing psyche. And, I’ll tell you what, I fucking loved what I found in there.
S57: I’m not surprised, you’re pretty amazing. (Casio nods in agreement). Are you able to give our readers any advice on how to be more successful with the opposite sex?
C: The main problem is that your readers – and the vast majority of men – are complete and utter losers. They’re the sort of men that wouldn’t even think to wear sunglasses indoors. But, to answer your question, no, no I can’t. If they want to learn the tricks of my trade then they’ll have to buy my book. I’m not a fucking charity.
S57: Fair enough.
At this point a stunning, A-list actress enters the bar.
C: Right, there’s pussy to be stroked. Interview over.
S57: Errr, right. Thank you for…
C: Fuck off.
Casio approaches the actress and immediately vomits over her. Within 2 minutes, she’s fellating him in the middle of the room. What a guy…what a cunt.
