The Goat Painting – A Poem
I once did a painting
That was moving and mystic
A goat in shellsuit
It was so realistic
It hung in the gallery
To public acclaim
From paupers to kings
Indeed, they all came
They would stand, they would stare
They considered the goat
Billy in his leisurewear
A medallion round his throat
Soon, the day came
The picture to be sold
It was fucking brilliant
If I may be so bold
The auction was bustling
The punters were plenty
Sadly for me
It sold for five pound twenty
Post From The Past – May 2009
Thank god that I published some posts last May. Enjoy the return of the real Post From The Past.
14. Global Globule – A Poem – A poem that attempts to explain my three month absence. It’s so obtuse that even I don’t understand it.
13. Post From The Past – February 2008 – This episode of PFTP features a Roy Walker based national anthem, some penis information and the lyrics to the hit song “Crowfinger”.
12. Post From The Past – March 2008 – This episode of PFTP features a moving story about people suffering from Blind-Duh-Date symdrome.
11. Post From The Past – April 2008 – This episode of PFTP features some staggeringly hilarious jokes.
10. Back – A post which is welcoming myself back to the world of blogging after my adventures. The most curious thing about the post is that I inexplicably describe myself as being good friends with Stefan Dennis. We all know that he’s a complete rogue. I think I must have been suffering from a form of cosmic delirium.
9. Missing In Action – A short post that was written in another dimension. You don’t get that every day.
8. Star Wars Jokes – These jokes are undoubtedly hilarious, but, let’s be honest, I hate Star Wars. I only wrote them in a cynical attempt to get some more hits and it failed miserably (9 hits in a year). It serves me right.
7. Post From The Past – May 2008 – Is this episode of PFTP staggeringly better than the others? No. Sometimes I just like to pit my posts against each other in an attempt to see which is the strongest. It is special, though, as it is the first PFTP to feature 3 layers of PFTP. The universe must be close to exploding. It also features a poem about a dark rug.
6. Where Is Mindy? – Despite what you may have been led to believe, I am not Mindy Ruson. No, Mindy is an absolute legend in interior decorating circles. This is a little post about her. Strangely, that bounder, Stefan Dennis, has left some comments on this post. There was even an unanswered comment that I have just replied to. I don’t like to ignore people, even if it takes me a year. And even if it’s Stefan Dennis.
5. Happy Birthday – It was the blog’s birthday. I’m sure you’ll remember to send me a present this year.
4. Toby Carvery – Poetry Challenge – It’s like a rap battle, only it’s poems and they’re poems about roast dinners. Yummy.
3. My Art – Lucky Cat – A photo of a painting done by yours truly (me). It was recently sold at auction for £4million. I didn’t really want to sell it, so I had to buy it myself.
2. Baking A Cake – A Poem – A hauntingly erotic poem based around baking a cake. My depths know no beginning.
1. A Hazard Of Parsnips – Chapters 5 & 6 – It’s one of the greatest stories ever told. That’s why it’s number one.
Post From The Past – December 2008
I hate Post From The Past. Why on earth did I start doing it? I now feel compelled to continue. It’s like a form of eternal damnation. That said, please enjoy this month’s offering:
14. Post From The Past – December 2007 – This contains a few classic posts such as Mike Robot, some blokes on a see-saw, and some Mr Banana-Penis madness.
13. My Art – Elephant Helmet – It’s a helmet on an elephant.
12. My Art – Helmet Elephant – It’s an elephant on a helmet.
11. Christmas Do – This photograph perfectly sums up what it feels like to be the table at a ‘Christmas do’.
10. Post From The Past – Best of 2007 – This is allegedly a collection of the best posts from 2007. There are some good ones, so it’s worth checking out.
9. Uninspired – A Poem – A slice of lucid jazz poetry that neatly sums up what it feels like to be completely uninspired.
8. Postal Strike – A controversial post that was both ‘a post’ and ‘not a post’. This one will baffle philosophy students for years to come.
7. 10 Things You Never Knew About Sherby57 – You didn’t know them, but you do now.
6. Starship Champy – This is kind of an avant garde poem and a big, teasing riddle. If you can work out what it all means then you’re a bona fide genius.
5. The Sherby57 On TV Ultimatum – This features a review of everybody’s favourite game show, Fear My Clit.
4. A Hazard of Parsnips – Chapters 3 & 4 – An emotional powerhouse of a novel. Read it and literally weep.
3. Fireheart! The Movie – Meet the Director – The lazy sod still hasn’t released the film. The fans are becoming rabid.
2. My Art – Doctor Angel – This is an artist’s impression of the good doc. But, that artist is me, so it doesn’t look anything like her. It’s more metaphorical, actually. It’s not supposed to look like her.
1. Show Me Magic – It’s a drawing, it’s a poem, it’s a biting satire of the ridiculousness of religion. What more could you want?
Disclaimer – This is an extremely self-indulgent feature and is a cynical attempt to recycle stuff that I have written in the past in the vain hope that someone will actually read them. Please feel free to slag off “Post From The Past” to your hearts content.
My Art – It’s a Monster
The biro is mightier than the sword. But not as mighty as this mighty monster. Or Mighty White bread.
