Today’s installment of The Sherby57 Project will look at the first two chapters in the ongoing Fireheart! saga. Many of us take the whole Fireheart! mythos for granted, having learned of many of its incarnations in school. Sure, every primary school pupil knows that the first Fireheart! myth was recorded in primitive cave paintings in Lascaux, France (indeed the popular character Jean Coeur du Feu exists today in modern French literature). Many of us will have heard of the Roman version of the tale, Julius Fireheartius, and the impact that it had on the rise of the empire. It’s obvious to all that Fireheart! has been an important part of history. However, the true origins of the myth are much more complicated.
It may stun you to learn that Fireheart! did not exist in our universe until the first chapter was published on this very blog on the 1st June 2007. ’How can that be?’, I hear you cry, ‘I’ve known about Fireheart all of my life!’ Well if you keep reading, then I’ll tell you how it can be.
The creation of this blog on the 31st May 2007 was not a random act. During the first few months of 2007, The Sacred Order of Sherby57 had noted several discrepancies within our world that could only be explained by pan-dimensional interference. Unsure what they should do next, I was tasked by the Order to travel the astral highways and seek out what had been causing the anomalies. Once I had entered the plane, I realised that it wouldn’t take the deductive skills of Columbo to locate the problem – there was a giant flaming heart directly in my headspace, that was throbbing with the number ’56′. I willed my spirit form towards the giant organ, somehow sensing that I was not in danger, and as I reached my destination I saw none other than myself waiting for me. However it wasn’t ‘me’, it was the ‘me’ from another dimension! He had been sent by The Sherby56 Foundation to meet me on a vital mission. His universe was facing it’s destruction (caused by an ingrowing photon), and despite the valiant efforts of the Foundation, their apocalypse was nigh. They realised that while they could not save their world, they could save a small part of it – The Fireheart Legend. My doppelganger told me of this man, ‘Johnny Fireheart’, whose name alone had prevented many wars and famines on his planet. He hoped that by seeding the legend of Fireheart in another realm, then at least some good may come of the oncoming cataclysm.
I returned to my corporeal form and immediately informed the Garrincha (the head monk of The Order), and we put a plan in to motion. By creating a blog with the specific aim of spreading enlightenment, and with the weakening of the space-time membrane caused by the death of a universe, the Garrincha believed that legendary-data could flow between the dimensions. So with a heavy heart I published “Hello EvryBuddy” and waited. On a first glance, it seemed that our mission had failed. As a feeling of despair spread around the room, the wise and calm Garrincha asked me to check my Inbox. My hand trembling on my mouse, I clicked on the icon and saw the glorious sight of two unopened envelopes! There were two e-mails from sherby56@dyinguniverse.com, and they were titled “Fireheart Part1″ and “Fireheart Part2″. It was a spine-tingling moment.
After an initial read through of the chapters, we realised their potency. We decided to cautiously just publish Part 1 the next day, and immediate effect it had exceeded our already high expectations. The Fireheart legend spread through our history like a watermelon squeezed through the eye of a needle; rewriting history with all the vigour of a fully hulked-up Hulk Hogan. The world around us was left totally changed, but only those of us within the confines of the Sherby57 citadel could see them happening. The positive effect was astounding, and while it would be dangerous to divulge all the secrets of the superceded timeline, I will tell you one thing: Before the original 1st June 2007, we were living in a country ruled by giant robot nazis. Hurrah for Fireheart! It was a full 12 days later before we felt it was safe to publish Part 2.
It would be disrespectful for me to try and interpret the meaning of these original chapters of Fireheart!. They were a gift from a gallant dying civilization, and they should be heralded as the harbingers of peace that they were. It is enough that I present them to you as they arrived to me on that fateful day:
Fireheart! Part 1
Betrayal
Johnny Fireheart reached into the pocket of his expensive sheepskin jacket and pulled out his car keys. As he tossed them in the air he couldn’t help admiring the pristine, black Ford Capri; a gift from his exotic lover, Choo-Choo LaTrain. It was a Capri that had seen the black side of the road and had escaped with not even a loose chipping in a tyre tread. Just like Johnny.
The light flickered outside Club Tropicana; it was a dive. Johnny knew it, Choo-Choo knew it and so did most of the low-lives that lived in the bustling metropolis known as Greater Londonbury.
“God,” said Johnny running his fingers through his greasy black hair, “I hate this town.”
Johnny strode through the door like a big, tough cowboy and nodded to the bouncers, Biff and Dave.
“Hi.” said Johnny giving a little growl that told the two bruisers that they had better watch themselves. They knew Johnny was an master at several martial arts, and that he always kept nunchucka’s tucked into his socks.
As he entered the main room of the club, Johnny realised that there was no-one else there. Almost nobody!
Fireheart! Part 2
The Trap
It was a trap.Sat at a stool at the bar was Luca “Bobby The Lips” Burloni, the local mafia boss. Johnny had had dealings with Luca before, and somebody always died. This time it looked like Johnny’s turn.
“So Johnny, you’re finally here.”
“YEAH!” Johnny shouted. He wasn’t going to let The Lips intimidate him.
“Johnny, Johnny, theres no need for that sort of language, we’re all friends here.”
“You’re no friend of mine Burloni. What do you want?”
“I have a job for you.”
Johnny scratched his crotch and growled at the obese cosa nostra leader.
“What kind of job? I don’t work for your kind anymore.”
Burloni stood up and approached Johnny. He got real close. Johnny nearly fainted when he smelt the breath of the sweaty criminal.
“I want you to steal my mother.”
Johnny dropped his cigarette to the floor.
So there they are – the stories that changed the world. In tribute to those original chapters, the monks of the Order have compiled a further 3 chapters, which were extrapolated from data collected from the demise of the Sherby56 universe. A fitting tribute to those brave few who gave us so much.
If you’d like to learn more about Fireheart!, then click here.
