Yum. Corned beef. It’s delicious.
But, stop. Wait a minute. What kind of animal does the corned beef come from? Is it from a “corned cow”? It seems unlikely. Have you ever heard of a corned cow? No, me neither. It’s awfully suspicious.
The problem is that I love corned beef. It goes perfectly with mushy peas. Don’t just take me word for this; I insist that you rush out and try it immediately. Don’t worry, I’ll wait for you….
Have you tried it? No? Go on, I promise I’ll wait….
There. It’s a bloody delicious combination, isn’t it? I’m glad we agree. Let’s continue.
I have to have at least 3 slices of corned beef a day, or I’m in a horrible mood. I have tried to cut down and use these new-fangled “corned beef patches” as a substitute, but they’re really not the same. Due to these unforeseen circumstances, I thought it might be an idea for me to do some research and find out which animal my beloved meat-product actually originates from. I went to my local library, and was horrified to discover that there wasn’t a corned beef shelf in their reference section. It’s no wonder that the government want to close so many libraries if they’re going to provide such a slip-shod service. I was literally heartbroken by the news, in that my heart was rent asunder.
After bawling my eyes and ears out all over the librarians cardigan, I left for home. Soon after, I arrived home. I don’t live that far from the library, you see. It seems I shall never know the species of which I am verily consumed, and yet the burden shall not ache within thine breast to the assumption of all that may purvey its serene beauty. May your life continue unhindered and stay true to love’s own true arrow.
