To help guide you on your path to enlightenment, and as part of the wonderful “Sherby57 Project“, I introduce to you the 57 Principles of Sherby. These are 57 ancient secrets that can help you live a better, more aware, life. They have been studied by generations of members of The Sacred Order of Sherby57, and have become a portal in to a higher state of being.
Now, these aren’t a list of rules that you must follow, like those silly ten commandments. The Principles of Sherby are a much more subtle beast than that. Read them, but don’t try to understand them, just let them seep in to you subconscious. Let them roll over the core of your understanding, and let them slowly alter your mindframe like an army of nano-memes. You should expect to be channeling 4 additional realms within the first year of Sherbyhood, so it’s not too taxing.
Don’t worry if they don’t all make sense at once, just pay attention:
1. Blinking is better exercise than running – for a blind mouse.
2. The penis is mightier than the bored.
3. Every dog has its day. It’s Wednesday.
4. A fan keeps you nice and cool, unless he is shouting too loud.
5. To barp is to be human.
6. Never Eat Shredded Wheat
7. Monkey see, monkey do. Monkey naughty, monkey goo.
8. It’s easier for a rich man to get in to Heaven if he bribes the bouncers.
9. Can a man eat a pan? Only if the pan eats the man.
10. Sometimes its easier to write ten things, than attempt to write 57.
11. 1 + 1 = 2. Or is it?
12. An apple a day turns the doctor gay.
13. Don’t start. He’s not worth it.
14. When the man is lost at sea, what does he say? “I’m lost! Shit! I can’t believe this is happening to me!”
15. No, you hang up.
16. It’s easier for a monkey to catch a fish than it is for a fish to have a party.
17. It’s nice to have brains, but only if you don’t have nice tits.
18. I really like chips.
19. This is my moment. This is my perfect moment, with you.
20. The old man on the mountain once said, “Come what may, it will rain in May. If you think I’m lying, then I’ll fucking stab your eyes out with this stick. Cunt.”
21. I’m the leader of the pack. It makes me such a lucky jack. Now, here they are, they’re so appealing. Come on dollies, do your…dealing.
22. If you suck chocolate, it will melt.
23. If you’re feeling down, pop a paw in your mouth.
24. There is many a wise man that has confused a “saddlery” with “Sad Louie”.
25. Pimpin’ ain’t easy.
26. A friend in need, is a pain in the arse. Why can’t they just sort it out themselves?
27. The hand is quicker than the eye.
28. Torres? He won’t get a game.
29. Don’t go jet-skiing if you can’t swim. But if you do, you’ll probably be alright.
30. Only Patrick Swayze can get away with “sweating in a vest” as a style.
31. If two trains leave two different places, travelling at two different speeds, who cares?
32. You can lead a horse to water, but only if you’ve been trained.
33. If you have a pie, it’s nice with a bit of gravy.
34. Charlie Chalk was a clown living on a desert island.
35. Man cannot live by bread alone, try a sunflower spread as a healthy alternative to butter.
36. Consider the cat: She sleeps, she shits, she eats. Perfect life.
37. Always have a spare toilet roll handy. It’s just common sense.
38. A man can swim, but a fish cannot walk. Unless it has legs, in which case, is it a fish?
39. Take that, and party.
40. They call me the main man. That’s why I do the big jobs.
41. A twitch is never as good as an itch.
42. The wise man knows when his eggs are beaten.
42. Indecision is the better part of squalor.
43. Only wear a white apron if you don’t mind it getting stained.
44. Life is the name of the game.
45. If you feel sleepy, have a snooze.
46. One doesn’t become enlightened over night, just as an egg cannot become over easy under light.
47. Did man land on the moon? Only if you know what the moon is.
48. The farmer sowed his seeds and waited. Come summer, he woke up.
49. It isn’t enough to be a triangle, when there is the possibility of being a square.
50. Sometime I run, sometimes I hide.
51. If the world is an egg, what is the chicken?
52. Live your live in a barrel of laughs, surrounding by a mayonnaise of indifference.
53. Was not was.
54. There is light at the end of the tunnel: is it the sun, or a giraffe holding a candle?
55. You can learn everything you need to survive from the lyrics of Boney M.
56. If in doubt, eat a trout.
57. You’ve reached the end, but it is just the beginning.
