The World of Sherby57

Because I’m worth it

May 31

End of Volume 2?

by sherby57

I’m sure that you’re all fully aware that it’s The World of Sherby57′s 3rd birthday today.  I can only thank you all for the cards and presents.  It’s been a little bit overwhelming, to be honest.

Anyway, this post marks the likely end point of the second volume of my collected works of The World of Sherby57, so I’d like to thank you for reading my book.  That’s if you are reading this in the book and not online.  The chances are that you’re probably reading this online.

It’s not even certain that I’ll be creating another book of the blog, and, if I do, it’s not definite that this will be the end of the volume.  It’s all a little confusing.  Suffice to say, if you’re reading this in a book, then you’ll probably be able to gauge from the number of pages left whether or not this is the end of the book.  If it is, I hope you had fun.

See you for Volume 3.  Possibly.

You can still buy Volume 1 here:

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-best-of-the-world-of-sherby57-volume-1/6558616

Or here:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Best-World-Sherby57-1/dp/1445742187/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1275317066&sr=8-1

General Update

1 Comment »
Apr 2

New Sherby57 Products

by sherby57

There are over 3 new Sherby57 products available at your local shop\boutique.  Is it OK if I tell you about them in a kind of friendly advertisement?  Thanks, you’re so lovely.  Here we go.  Please try and read about them all before you decide to rush out and buy them.

Product 1:

Knitting Spanners.  Have you ever been knitting a jumper and become frustrated that you aren’t able to simultaneously loosen a nut?  Yeah, of course you have.  It happens all the freaking time in my house and I’m just about sick of it.  Well, fret not, sweet child.  The patented Sherby57 knitting spanners are here.  They do literally what it says on the tin.  Only they don’t come in a tin so I’m going to have to tell you.  They’re knitting needles that are also spanners.  I suppose they’re pretty self explanatory really, but they’re damn useful.

Product 2:

Titchtango:  How To Dance Like Alan Titchmarsh DVD.  He’s a gardener.  He’s a mid-afternoon chat show host.  He’s the funkiest dancer in town.  Yes, you too can learn to dance like Titchmarsh with this exciting new Sherby57 DVD.  In just 12 easy lessons, you can learn all the moves necessary to bust a move like the freaky gardener.  You too will be able to perform the ‘Dimmock’, the ‘Hand Knitted Jumper’ and, if you practice hard enough, the ‘Sycophantic Murmer’.  Please note: Alan Titchmarsh does not appear on this DVD and is in no way affiliated with it.  It’s still pretty good though.

Product 3:

Gumbrella.  Umbrellas are great when its raining and you’ve had plenty of sugary snacks.  But, what happens when it’s bone dry and you’re gasping for some sweets?  The bleeding thing is completely and utterly useless and you’d be perfectly be within your rights to perform a gangland-style execution on it.  Well, take a deep breath, walk down to the nearest Umbrella showroom and trade your old model in for the latest Gumbrella.  Yes, it keeps you dry.  Yes, it’s made entirely out of wine gums.  Yes, it’s the best thing that you’ve ever owned.

Product 4:

Browsing Wand. You’re in a shop looking for a new outfit, but the rails are almost too full with clothes of different styles and sizes.  Traditionally, the clothing stores would expect you to use your hands to look through the garments.  This is clearly not acceptable and not everyone in this day and age can afford to hire a professional flicker.  Bloody credit crunch.  You’re probably going to leave the shop in a huff and go out for a romantic meal wearing that dress that you’ve had for ages and doesn’t properly fit you any more and for god’s sake you look bloody awful and it’s no wonder that you think that he’s having an affair.  Whoo.  That’s a pretty messed up life you got there, sister.  You better take a chill-tablet and get yourself a Browsing Wand.  Yeah, it’s a kind of wand that you use to browse through stuff.  To be honest, it’s essentially a wooden spoon, but don’t let that put you off.

That’s it.  You can go out and buy them now.

General Update

6 Comments »
Mar 9

Who You Gonna Call?

by sherby57

In a world gone mad, there is only one question that rings out amongst the proletariat: ‘Who you gonna call?’

Indeed, who are you going to call?  It really depends on a lot of factors.  The first thing that you probably need to determine is what the reason is that you’ve decided that you need to call somebody.  Have you firmly established that calling someone is you best option?  Is there even a phone to hand?

In this day and age, it’s increasingly likely that you’ll have a mobile phone and adequate signal to be able to make a call.  Let’s take this as read.  But the other issues are much more difficult to get to grips with.  What if the universe were about to be destroyed by some kind of malevolent cosmic entity.  You’re probably going to want to call either a) Fantasti-Man, b) Those crazy guys from Sherby57 or c) all of the above.  That’s fine, you’ve decided who you’re going to call, so do it.  Ahhhh.  You see the problem.  You don’t have any of their numbers.  Nightmare.  The universe has just been destroyed and everyone in the afterlife is blaming you and calling you a ‘numptie’.

I think we can all agree that we don’t want that to happen.  Maybe you should be a bit better prepared.

Another scenario is that you trip whilst in the street and mildly graze your knee.  Once again, who you gonna call?  Well, probably no one.  It’s just a bit of a graze and it will be fine until you get home and put a plaster on it.  Oh no! You’ve already whipped out your pre-prepared phone that has a myriad of useful phone numbers in it and have started dialling the Fantasti-Phone.  You explain your problem and FM laughs at you contemptuously.  You look a complete dick.

You were over-prepared.

There is a fine balance to be found in all things, and you clearly have the equilibrium of a drunken sailor with vertigo.  I want you to go straight home and start thinking about what you’ve done here.  Go.  Go now.

I mean it.  Go home.

Fantasti-Man General Update

2 Comments »
Feb 24

Another Clue

by sherby57

The most exciting literary project of the century gathers pace. Millions of fans around the world are clamouring for information, but it’s all so hush-hush.

Sherby57 Towers are unable to give you any concrete information, we’ve all signed non-disclosure agreements, but we can give you clues.

Take a look at the photo. It looks fairly mundane. Look closer. The clue is there for you all to see. Just look at it.

A Hazard of Parsnips

2 Comments »
Feb 4

Post From The Past – February 2009

by sherby57

This edition of PFTP is going to be a little different, as I didn’t actually publish any posts last February.  Instead of the usual countdown of the best posts, I’m going to explain to you where I was.

You probably know all about my life as an agent of Sherby57 – if you don’t, then have a look through some of the posts, here.  In short, we are a secret society that is tasked with maintaining the fabric of reality in this particular universe.   Since this is a secret society, I’d ask you not to mention it to anyone.

Anyway, each universe has its own trans-dimensional lighthouse, where someone has to sit and watch for any fluctuations in the space-time continuum.  It’s as unwanted a task as jury duty, so I was dismayed when last February happened to be my turn on the rota.  It was allegedly only going to last a month, and I luckily got the shortest month, but 28 days sat in a pulsating energy pod is not my idea of fun.  I almost hoped for some kind of apocalyptic event to give me something to do.

Anyway, I packed a lot of books and a few jazz mags and resigned myself to life in the pod.   It was as boring as you would imagine, sat, day after day, literally staring into the abyss.  As time ticked on, it looked like the month was going to pass by completely uneventfully.

Then, just as I was about to go home, typically, something happened that meant that I couldn’t.  Since most of this adventure happened in March, I’ll tell you all about it next month.

Post From The Past

6 Comments »
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