The World of Sherby57

Because I’m worth it

Post From The Past – August 2007

Jesus wept. It’s my least favourite time of the month, that’s right, it’s time for “Post From The Past”… dur-durrr (that was a sarcastic trumpet noise).  And there are 26, that’s right, 26 posts in one month; what was I thinking?? Anyway, I better get started:

26. Not My Finger – It really isn’t my finger.. It’s his:

Lovely finger

Lovely finger

25. Alright Ant – Have a nice weekend? Have a nice shower? etc etc.

24. Who wants a brew? – Deciding whose turn it is to make the next brew is one of life’s greatest challenges. But it’s deffo Goot’s turn next.

23. Look In to My Eyes – I studied for many years to develop truly hypnotic eyes, and here is the evidence. Obviously, I can’t hypnotize you through a photo, but it may make you feel erotically charged if you stare at it for too long.

22. My Art - Rubbish – We throw so much away in our society, it was the least I could do to challenge our wastefulness through the medium of photography. Beautiful yet disturbing.

21. Debate of the Decade – The Result – I mean, the problem was, there was never much of a debate about it. Earth Song is some kind of mind virus sent from the fifth dimension, and as such is untouchable.

20. Pigs Might Fly? – Well just look at the evidence, pigs DO fly. Who is hiding this from us? Why aren’t we allowed to know? It could be the ultimate conspiracy. Alternatively there might be a simpler explanation. What do YOU think?

19. Is it just me… – From Walton Gardens, to the world of Hip-Hop, this photo has caused controversy, literally, world-wide. What has happened to the gormless fools involved in the incident? There’s only one way to find out. Sadly, I don’t know what that is yet.

18. My Art - Desk – This in-situ art installation wowed all and sundry for many a good year.

17. Classic Bob – Bob Products – Looking back at the height of Bobbymania, we sample some of the shameless merchandising that was available.

16. My Art - Lamp – When is a lamp not a lamp? When it’s a jar (ajar).

15. St Helensian for Beginners – Lesson 1 – If you are ever thinking of visiting a fish & chip shop in St Helens then I strongly advise you read this article first. It may just save your life.

14. Simon, I Know I am the X-Factor – If Simon just gave me one chance, then I know I could be better and win this competition.

13. Coming Soon – An exciting trailer for the sadly delayed Fireheart film. Fans around the world wait with baited breath.

12. Flight Of The Crow – More shenanigans from the evil one. One day he will be stopped.

11. Binge Drinking – Just take a look at the photo and evaluate your own drinking habits. For god’s sake do it.

10. Classic Bob – Fact File – More classic Burley info from the year 2000. Get a harrowing insight in to the psyche of a genius.

9. St Helensian for Beginners – Lesson 2 – Some everyday phrases you may need to use in St Helens.

8. My Art - Jeans – Some people say that this is simply a photo of some jeans. Others say it is a map of the universe.

7. Peggy Widge – We’re not afraid to tackle serious medical complaints at Sherby57. Or stupid ones.

6. True Life Tales – This will have you on the edge of your seat… and beyond.

5. Genetic Engineering – Has it gone too far? – Mr Banana-Penis has given me more hits than anyone else. Hurrah!

4. Classic Bob – The Bobby B Fan Club – If only you could still join this. Well technically you can but the initiation ritual is fatal.

3. Sexy Lamb – Cute. And she’s not been glued down.

2. Sherby57 on TV (not literally) – A look at some of the hottest TV shows on the box.

1. Best. Car. EverJust look at the photos. It needs no further explanantion.

Until next month, keep sweating.

Disclaimer – This is an extremely self-indulgent feature and is a cynical attempt to recycle stuff that I have written in the past in the vain hope that someone will actually read them. Please feel free to slag off “Post From The Past” to your heart’s content.

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St Helensian for Beginners – Lesson 4

In a slight change of pace, today we will look at St Helensian cuisine, and in particular the national dish “Cremated Breast of Lamb”. 

Breast of Lamb is an unpopular cut of meat in most cultures. In fact calling it “meat” at all is stretching things. It is essentially a roll of lamb fat with a scraping of meat on it. It has been described as “a strange joint which is pretty nearly inedible”.  You will find some recipes using this roll of fat in the wider world, but these generally involve slow cooking the meat and serving as a roast with vegetables. This is not the St Helens way.

 The St. Helener has a particular love of eating fat. In fact they often throw the meat away and just eat the fat.  It’s an acquired taste for those not from the area. Anthropologists believe that they may be stocking up on fuel prior to winter hibernation.

The traditional Breast Of Lamb recipe involves putting it in to an oven on high heat and cooking the joint until it is rock hard (apparently this diamond hard crust is the best part). Once this is complete is is ‘plonked’ onto a plate with no trimmings or other food and immediately devoured.

Try it yourself! Bon appetit!

 Previous Lessons:

Lesson 1 – Going to the Chippy

Lesson 2 – Basic Phrases

Lesson 3 – ‘Fe Te’

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St Helensian for Beginners – Lesson 3

Lesson 1 – Going to the Chippy

Lesson 2 – Some common words and phrases

Today’s lesson is short but crucial. It concerns Fe Te – the unnecessary addition.

If you were having a conversation with someone from St Helens you may hear them slip the words “Fe Te” into a sentence and it will leave you baffled. For example:

“Am gowan the shop to fe te get sum milk.”

Which means:

“I’m going to the shop to get some milk.”

As you can see, the Fe Te are essentially just there to fill space.  All you need to remember is that these extra words are complete unwarranted and you can carry on your conversation as before.

Good Luck!

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St Helensian for Beginners – Lesson 2

Welcome to lesson 2. 

Today we will be learning some basic phrases and how to use them in every day St Helens life.

 Let’s Begin.

Ha-woah. Wee ooo sit on da churr?

Hello. Will you sit on the chair?

Ave oo sin me diaiarry?

Have you seen my diary?

Yas iss in ma chiwowa..

Yes it’s in my drawer.

Wud yu lik a mill at de Whit App ron?

Would you like a meal at the White Apron? 

That’s all for this time – its really is tricky stuff.

If you found this too hard then please go to Lesson 1

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St Helensian for Beginners – Lesson 1

Here at Sherby57 we don’t just like to inform and entertain, we also like to educate.  I’ve been studying for many years the arcane language of the people of St Helens and have been asked by many for some advice on the basics. So here is the first easy lesson.

Its usually a simple task to go into a chippy and order. Not so if you happen to stray into St Helens. I’ll start with two of the more common words used by the average St Helener.

Split = Chips and Peas

Special = Potato Scallop or Fritter.

 Now these may seem straightforward, but because they resemble words in English then confusion could ensue. For example, what would happen if you asked for a Banana Split in St Helens? Nobody wants to eat a banana with peas and chips.

Also be careful if you think about attending the Special Olympics in St Helens. If you turn up you will witness the local sport of racing battered potato slice around a track made from an old cardboard box.

Remember these easy rules and you can enjoy a tasty treat.

Until the next lesson

Farewell

Go to lesson 2

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