Evil genius and Neighbours legend Stefan Dennis declares his love for A Hazard of Parsnips in this amazing, exclusive video. Who can blame him? It’s an absolutely phenomenal story. Why don’t you check it out, here?
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Eric Cantona struts around with his grey beard flashing inconsequentially.
Mr T shouts like an idiot from a helicopter. Apparently he doesn’t mind flying, after all.
Some idiotic woman does a frankly ridiculous dance to represent some perfume. She thinks she’s got away with it because she’s fit. She hasn’t.
Some berk in a brown jumper releases some metaphorical birds from a cage. This allows him to sit on a sun lounger in a grey jumper. It’s not clear why he’s sunbathing in a jumper.
Lenny Henry. Someone thought Lenny Henry was a good idea.
Davina McCall’s hair is so shiny that it’s liable to blind a small child. She has a phone conversation with a clearly made up blonde. They talk about hair.
These are the adverts that I’ve been subjected to. This is why I record everything.
Big Sherby57 on TVer
Big props to the entire square-eyed massive. I is back to regale you with tales of derring-do and mayhem\television.
This week saw the first episode of controversial reality show, Make Me Britain’s Fattest Prostitute (Wednesday). Fourteen women from all walks of life are simultaneously force-fed junk food while learning the harsh realities of life on the streets. The contestants have already started to argue as they don’t think it’s fair that size 22 Brenda has been allowed to compete. She does seem to have an unfair advantage girth-wise, but none of the others seem to have noticed her sexual ineptitude. My tip is to stick all your money on Shirley for the win. She may only be size 8, but she’s guzzling chocolate cake and protein shakes like her life depends on it, and can put a condom onto a banana with her mouth. You read it here first.
Friday night sadly sees the final episode of instant classic game show, Smashing Pumpkins (Thursday). The premise is incredibly simple: the contestants have to smash as many pumpkins as they can within a set time, whilst answering questions on celebrity news. As the programme proceeds, the implements used to squash the squashes gradually become smaller; they start with a lump hammer and by the final round have to use their bloody stumps of fists. What really elevates the show above the norm is the rapport between co-hosts Billy Corgan and Billy Corkhill (actor John McArdle). These two are going to be the next Ant and Dec.
Finally, make sure that you don’t miss the heartbreaking documentary, The Cat Who Thought He Was A Fence (Sunday). I can’t really elucidate much more than the the title does. It’s about a cat who thinks he is a fence. He just sits at the bottom of the garden and acts as a demarcation to the next property. It’s an emotional journey, but is ultimately incredibly uplifting. An amazing way to end the week.
Doctor Sherby57 on TV
This week sees the debut of home grown sci-fi epic The Saucers of St Helens (Saturday). The premise of the series is pretty simple; a tribe of glass-loving aliens, the Dbbl’glzers, crash land their flying saucers in St Helens. We then follow the lives of several different characters as the Dbbl’glzers attempt to integrate into human society. There’s Martin, the local butcher who befriends several of the aliens after meeting them at the glass museum. Sandra is the local mayor and has a daily fight to control the world’s media and local racial tensions. Querzlog is a cleaner on one of the spacecraft and sees the new planet as his opportunity to fulfil his dream of becoming a dancer. It’s like a version of The Wire, only it’s science fiction and it’s set in St Helens. The first episode is a bit bewildering as over 200 core characters are introduced, but it’s well worth sticking with.
The tension is beginning to mount on popular game show Wiggle My Wig (Wednesday). There are only 4 contestants still battling it out for the £1million prize. Last week saw controversy when Malcolm was eliminated despite performing a level 4 wiggle for over 20 minutes. Referee John Anderson judged that Malcolm had failed to perform full wiggles on 3 of his reps, but video evidence later proved that this was not the case. It was a heartbreaking moment which attracted 20 million viewers. This week’s episode is set to include 2 evictions, so make sure you’re watching.
Finally for this week, there’s the fascinating documentary My Other Toe is a Pig (Thursday). It’s a little known fact that as many as 1 in 50 people have an animal as one of their digits. This harrowing film follows a number of the sufferers of this strange affliction. David has a miniature pig instead of the big toe on his left foot and has learnt to live a normal life. It’s made easier because the pig is easily hidden in his shoe, but he does have to face prejudice when it oinks. More upsetting is the story of Veronica who has a full size buzzard instead of the little finger on her right hand. Not only is it unsightly, but it’s always trying to fly away; this has made it very difficult for her to maintain a steady relationship. Can she find love despite having a bird of prey permanently attached to her? You’ll just have to watch to find out.
