The World of Sherby57

Because I’m worth it

Dec 9

Post From The Past – December 2008

by sherby57

I hate Post From The Past.  Why on earth did I start doing it? I now feel compelled to continue.  It’s like a form of eternal damnation.  That said, please enjoy this month’s offering:

14. Post From The Past – December 2007 – This contains a few classic posts such as Mike Robot, some blokes on a see-saw, and some Mr Banana-Penis madness.

13. My Art – Elephant Helmet – It’s a helmet on an elephant.

12. My Art – Helmet Elephant – It’s an elephant on a helmet.

11. Christmas Do –  This photograph perfectly sums up what it feels like to be the table at a ‘Christmas do’.

10. Post From The Past – Best of 2007 – This is allegedly a collection of the best posts from 2007.  There are some good ones, so it’s worth checking out.

9. Uninspired – A Poem – A slice of lucid jazz poetry that neatly sums up what it feels like to be completely uninspired.

8. Postal Strike – A controversial post that was both ‘a post’ and ‘not a post’.  This one will baffle philosophy students for years to come.

7. 10 Things You Never Knew About Sherby57 – You didn’t know them, but you do now.

6. Starship Champy –  This is kind of an avant garde poem and a big, teasing riddle.  If you can work out what it all means then you’re a bona fide genius.

5. The Sherby57 On TV Ultimatum – This features a review of everybody’s favourite game show, Fear My Clit.

4. A Hazard of Parsnips – Chapters 3 & 4 – An emotional powerhouse of a novel.  Read it and literally weep.

3. Fireheart! The Movie – Meet the Director – The lazy sod still hasn’t released the film.  The fans are becoming rabid.

2. My Art – Doctor Angel – This is an artist’s impression of the good doc.  But, that artist is me, so it doesn’t look anything like her.  It’s more metaphorical, actually.  It’s not supposed to look like her.

1. Show Me Magic – It’s a drawing, it’s a poem, it’s a biting satire of the ridiculousness of religion.  What more could you want?

Disclaimer – This is an extremely self-indulgent feature and is a cynical attempt to recycle stuff that I have written in the past in the vain hope that someone will actually read them. Please feel free to slag off “Post From The Past” to your hearts content.

Post From The Past

7 Comments »
Sep 24

Strictly Sherby57 on TV

by sherby57

The week’s TV kicks off with a new series of Bobby Makeup: Bad Magician (Monday), in which bad magician, Bobby Makeup, attempts to make a ball disappear from under a cup.  Needless to say, he fails miserably.  It’s a brave decision to have a magic show featuring someone completely inept at illusion.  It’s brave but ultimately stupid, it’s an awful show and completely cringe-inducing.  Make sure you watch it.

Another ill-advised format is the interactive medical drama, Text City Hospital (Wednesday).  We’re now 12 episodes in to the run and it still isn’t any slicker.  For those of you lucky enough not to have seen it, here’s how it works:  The cast are given an initial script which lasts for the first 5 minutes of the show and then the viewers are invited to send text messages of all subsequent lines of dialogue.  All the suggestions are processed by super-drama computer, Harry, and the ‘best’ lines are fed in to a autocue on the set.  This would be fine if the technology weren’t 50 years behind where it should be for such a project.  This is best demonstrated by an extract of a scene from last week:

DR BUNGALOW: Wot iz da mata wiv u

PATIENT: suk ma cock u nob

NURSE: I’ve got a big penis, do u want to see it?

DR BUNGALOW: Errrr u iz mingin

etc

Please don’t watch this show, it will probably reduce your IQ.  Finally this week is hit game show Fish Cake or Not Fish Cake (Friday), in which contestants compete to win a £25,000 jackpot if they can correctly identify a fish cake.  Like many of these shows, it’s completely random, but host John Fashanu manages to build up the tension and it makes for riveting viewing.  It’s no coincidence that fish cake sales have soared by 300% since the series began.

Keep on watching telly, it might just save your life.

Sherby57 on TV

5 Comments »
Sep 8

The Sherby57 on TV Factor

by sherby57

It’s been a long time since the last Sherby57 on TV column, but television has continued its inexorable slide towards oblivion, regardless. It’s time to catch up.

The latest US sensation has finally crossed the Atlantic, as we finally have chance to watch, Bradley Schwarzer: Writer (Thursday).  The tale of a literary novelist, this has been the most critically acclaimed TV show for years, despite dismal ratings in the States.  The action, such as it is, revolves around Schwarzers’ attempts to write his masterwork, A Journey of Eyes.  The opening episode sees the eponymous author sat at his desk with his laptop, and we see his increasing frustration as he struggles to choose the opening word of his magnum opus.  Watch for the exciting scene when he goes to make a cup of coffee.

Peabody Place (Monday, Tuesday – 2 episodes, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday -3 episodes, Saturday, Sunday omnibus) continues apace with the locals attempting to halt the progress of the genetically mutilating virus.  Elsewhere, Cedric worries about the viability of his organic cafe during the credit crunch.  Still the best soap on TV.

Finally, for this week, we take a look at moronic game show, Say Yes and Lose (weeknights).  The object of the game is to have a conversation with host, Kenny G, without saying the word ‘yes’.  If you say it, you lose.  Despite the idiotic premise, the show is drawing 4 million viewers every night.  Can so many people really be wrong? Yes, they can.

Sherby57 on TV

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Sep 2

Post From The Past – September 2008

by sherby57

Post From The Past fans rejoice! It’s time for this month’s….wait for it….Post From The Past!! September 2008 was a busy month for Sherby57, so let’s get stuck in:

15.  Chester Neat-O - Fireheart! superfan, Chester Spangleton, made a rare blog update, and we celebrate this fact here.  Chester has not updated his blog since 11th September 2008, and we’re all very worried about him.  Chester, if you’re out there, please get in touch.

14.  Crow History - Bits and pieces related to our endless quest to squash Goot The Crow’s evil empire.

13.  A Joke I Was Once Told –  The more astute amongst you will have realised that this joke was terrible. However, it was one that I was genuinely told, and so it was important to pass it on. Is there hidden meaning contained within its weak punnage?

12.  Post From The Past – September 2007 – September 2007 was an interesting month in the life of Sherby57.  There is a video of Jimmy Cricket, Jarvis Cocker receives an award, there’s a photo of me having a good time with two of Eastenders’ finest and there is an extract from an extremely erotic novel.  What more could you want?

11.  A New Fragrance For Men - Are you a man? Would you like to smell like pink panties? If so, then click this link and read all about a fantastic new aftershave.

10.  My Art – IPhone Boy -  My first foray in to IPhone based art.  Who is the boy in the picture?  Do you recognise him? You should, by now, have realised that everything here is connected.

9.  Mindy Ruson’s Style Emporium - My good friend Mindy Ruson started a blog, and did not continue.  It’s not too late to start a campaign to get her to update her (would be) wonderful blog.

8.  Toaster Amnesty Hits Warrington - A Nazi-style toaster collection took place in Warringon, in a quest to end toaster-related crime.  Did it work? And what was the sinister reason behind the confiscations?

7.  My Art – IPhone Boy 2 - Another moving portrait, another mystery.  Who is this second man? Why do his eyes glow red?

6.  Toast Conspiracy? - A follow up article on the infamous Warrington toaster amnesty.  Contains the “Sherby57 Comment of the Year 2008″ from Russell Hobbs.

5.  Hans Across America - My good buddy, Hans Klaussner, fills us in on his transatlantic adventure.

4.  Toast Me – A Poem - Emotional poetry was the only was I could describe the horror of Toastergate.

3.  Simon Cowell: Dream Smasher - A short discourse on the nature of Simon Cowell’s impact on the war for reality.

2.  Never Say Sherby57 on TV Again - A TV review including the documentary, Inside The Institute, and the reality TV classic, Celeb Kebab House.

1.  My Dragon’s Den Pitch - A verbatim transcript of my failed Dragon’s Den pitch.  I just don’t understand why they didn’t invest, they’ve lost themselves an awful lot of money. Idiots.

On that sour note, we conclude this months journey of reminiscence. Until next month, keep reading.


Disclaimer – This is an extremely self-indulgent feature and is a cynical attempt to recycle stuff that I have written in the past in the vain hope that someone will actually read them. Please feel free to slag off “Post From The Past” to your hearts content.

Post From The Past

No Comments »
Aug 19

The Alf Stewart Prayer

by sherby57

The Almighty Alf

If you’ve read the comments section of my recent post Games, Puzzles and Lies, you may have noticed that I claim Alf Stewart is my God.  This is not strictly true; part of the remit of Sherby57 is to investigate all new religions, and the best way to assess them is to live them.  At present, I am fully committed to being Alfian.

Alf Stewart is a long-running character in popular tea-time Aussie soap-opera, Home And Away.  He has portrayed by veteran actor Ray Meagher since 1988.  Followers of the religion have come to believe that Alf Stewart, the character, exists in the real world, and that he is roaming the earth looking for the true Summer Bay.  There have been many sightings of blessed Alf over the years, but they mostly turn out to be Meagher popping down the shops.  It gets quite confusing that they look exactly the same.

For the dedicated Alfian, every day starts by reciting the Alf Stewart prayer:

Our Father, who art in the surf club,
Alf Stewart be thy name.
Thy Ailsa come,
thy will be a great gullah,
on earth as it is in Summer Bay
Give us this day our flaming mongrels.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as, strewth, we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into the diner,
but deliver us from Don Fisher.
For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory. for ever and ever.
Stone the flamin’ crows.
Amen

General Update

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