The World of Sherby57

Because I’m worth it

Post From The Past – February 2009

This edition of PFTP is going to be a little different, as I didn’t actually publish any posts last February.  Instead of the usual countdown of the best posts, I’m going to explain to you where I was.

You probably know all about my life as an agent of Sherby57 – if you don’t, then have a look through some of the posts, here.  In short, we are a secret society that is tasked with maintaining the fabric of reality in this particular universe.   Since this is a secret society, I’d ask you not to mention it to anyone.

Anyway, each universe has its own trans-dimensional lighthouse, where someone has to sit and watch for any fluctuations in the space-time continuum.  It’s as unwanted a task as jury duty, so I was dismayed when last February happened to be my turn on the rota.  It was allegedly only going to last a month, and I luckily got the shortest month, but 28 days sat in a pulsating energy pod is not my idea of fun.  I almost hoped for some kind of apocalyptic event to give me something to do.

Anyway, I packed a lot of books and a few jazz mags and resigned myself to life in the pod.   It was as boring as you would imagine, sat, day after day, literally staring into the abyss.  As time ticked on, it looked like the month was going to pass by completely uneventfully.

Then, just as I was about to go home, typically, something happened that meant that I couldn’t.  Since most of this adventure happened in March, I’ll tell you all about it next month.

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In a Lift – Sort of a poem

Stuck in a lift
Is a funny old place
Like a magician’s cabinet
Disappear without a trace

When the doors open
Where have you gone
To another dimension
A bit like Tron

I dunno, actually. It seems unlikely that you’d go to another dimension. I’ve been in a lift loads of times and the most exciting thing that’s ever happened to me is to arrive on another floor.

Oh right. It’s a poem. I guess I was just using artistic licence. I’ll conclude.

So, in another dimension.
Another universe
What a boring ending
To this epic verse

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Meal Interrupted

Last night I was in the middle of a great dream in which Holly Willoughby was cooking me a Sunday dinner. Just as I was about to tuck in, a phone appeared on the table, and it was ringing. Being the polite sort I picked it up.

ME: Hello?

THEM: Uh, hello Sir. It’s the, uh, Sherby57 Incident Room.

ME: Obviously. What’s up?

THEM: Well there’s a small tear between our universe and the next, and we need someone to sew it up.

ME: That’s pretty routine, why didn’t you phone the officer on duty?

THEM: You are the officer in duty…Sir.

ME: Hmmm, I’d ask that you check the rota again.

THEM: Ok, but I’m pretty sure that…oh, this is last weeks rota.

ME: Right, I’ll leave that with you then. Toodle pip.

And I hung up. Can’t people just double check? Honestly. Oh well, I did learn one thing out of the whole thing: Holly makes lovely roasties.

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Voyages Through The Sherbiverse – The Sherby56 Foundation

Back in June, the post Fire In My Heart not only told the creation of Fireheart!, but the death of a universe and the sad demise of The Sherby56 Foundation.  This was the first mention of the many Sherbys that populate the multiverse, and in this exciting new feature we will take a closer look at some of them.  In a fitting tribute to their sacrifice, this opening entry in the series will feature Sherby56.

The multiverse is a staggeringly complex, yet elegantly simple system; there are an infinite number of interlocking universes that all fit together to form a super-system, utterly incomprehensible to the human mind.  Yet, we all live in the multiverse and we all contribute to its successful (or otherwise) existence.   Although as human beings, we are able to live independent lives, each action we take has a contributory effect on the multiverse’s meta-system, like the effects of individual cells in a body.  Some people have attempted the compare the multiverse itself to a living organism, and while there is the twinkling of an idea there, it is so laughably inadequate that whoever it was that mentioned was retroactively removed from the space-time continuum.  Suffice to say, the whole thing gets even more muddied when you have to account for the interactions of an infinite number of multiverses – but we won’t go in to that for sanity’s sake.

At this stage, I’m sure that 99% of you have had your mind well and truly boggled.  The remaining 1% of you, being of a more sophisticated and robust mental structure, may be wondering how such a vast uber-machine can continue to function without any help; after all, doesn’t a body need anti-bodies to work?  Well, my wonderful one-percenters, you are right to ask this question, and the answer is simple: it cannot function unaided.  This is where Sherby comes in.

There was a time when no-one was conscious of the multiverse.  This is a misleading turn of phrase, as ‘time’ has no meaning in this context.  In this proto-stage of the multiverse, many universes were still in a molten, nebulous state.  It was basically a huge messy mess.  Then, and no one knows how this happened, a gaseous sentient being in a remote universe had an inkling that perhaps all things were connected.  This was a dramatic leap of consciousness, and, as a result, the being gained an insight in to the mechanics of the multiverse.  This gas-creature was known, in his language, as TZ’aaa”’Be, which sounds very much like Sherby in human tongue.  The revelation did not just have a an effect on TZ’aaa”’Be, but had dramatic consequences all around him.  His discovery of the multiverse lead to the multiverse discovering itself, and in a fit of teenage angst, it decided to re-write itself.  Reality blinked, and Sherby found himself reconfigured as human and living on a planet called Earth, the only being alive who had an inkling of what had existed previously.  Using his new found connection to the meta-existence, he realised that reality needed to be protected and nurtured, and so decided to form a secret society of warrior monks. Bonkers, I know.  To be fair to him, this was the 10th century that he was living in, so he didn’t really have much in the way of resources.  Sherby retreated to a citadel deep within the mountains of Tibet (well, it’s always somewhere like that, isn’t it?), and since he was living in universe 56, named his new organisation, The Sherby56 Foundation.  Spooky.

Well, from that point on things fell in to place like rabbits dopping in to a hat (which doesn’t actually make sense, but bear with me).  Sherby used his mental talents to scour the world for the most enlightened minds on the planet and implant in them the suggestion to make the pilgrimage to The Castle of Sherby56.  Once he had assembled his monks, they began their task in earnest, and began to seed branches of Sherby in every other universe.

The Foundation performed its tasks with great distinction for many centuries, but trouble loomed on the horizon.  Early in the twentieth century, a monk, using the guise of a Bertie Wooster style toff, located an ingrowing photon at the back of a broom cupboard, in a dilapidated stately home.  The troublesome photon was throbbing out of control, and Walter Pilkington-Smythe (for that was the mock-toff’s name) threw himself on the offending particle.  His selfless actions prevented immediate destruction of the universe.

The Foundation sent its top scientists and astral adventurers to deal with the photon, but tragedy was to strike.  The ingrowing particle was a singularity, a null point in the multiverse that was utterly immovable.  They steeled themselves for the inevitable truth; their universe would unravel within a century.

Being men (and women) of action, they didn’t curl up in to a ball and whimper like a scalded dog.  Instead, they decided to pass on every bit of good and as much of their knowledge as possible to fellow Sherby groups.  Which leads us to the events of Fire In My Heart, and their heroic final act.  With the dying breath of an entire universe, they managed to pass Fireheart! to our universe, and re-wrote our history for the positive.  As a fitting tribute, Walter Pilkington Smythe was written in to the Fireheart! mythos (as a parrot).

Universe 56 ceased to exist on the 2nd June 2007. It has been sadly missed.

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Post From The Past – August 2008

Please enjoy the most fantabulous posts from that historic month, August 2008:

4. Post From The Past – August 2007 – This was quite a momentous month for Post From The Past, with a whole 26 posts to choose from.  And being the freak that I am, I, of course, made sure that I listed each and every one of them.  They include such gems as a man’s finger, some men on a children’s playground, a cute kitten, a story about a peg on a penis, and much, much more.

3. Hot Shower – Fireheart Movie Rumour – Any information on the Fireheart! movie is exciting, but this also includes the lyrics for one of the steamiest (pun intended) songs of all time.

2. Reality Vomit – An account of a rather interesting evening I had, watching a universe rebooting.

1. Missing Todd – A photo of the shrine, and a moving poem, bring to life the emotion of missing Toddy.

Disclaimer – This is an extremely self-indulgent feature and is a cynical attempt to recycle stuff that I have written in the past in the vain hope that someone will actually read them. Please feel free to slag off “Post From The Past” to your hearts content

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